Journey To America: As Told by HoroHoro
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: HoroHoro recalls his trials and tribulations upon arriving in America with the cast of Shaman King to work for 4Kids Entertainment.
1. part one

By animeninjaNIPPON

_I waved goodbye to the land that I called home as the steamship sailed far away from Japan. I had come with only my snowboard, my spirit ally (Kororo), and the clothes on my back. I was off to America to become an actor with my friends- Yoh, Ryu, Ten, Manta, Anna, and Tamao, as well as their spirit allies. My sister Pirika was in our cabin, probably cleaning. I peered over the side of the ship, and saw the remnants of rice balls and okonomiyaki disappear into the deep blue sea. _

I looked up to see where the projectile had come from. Just as I guessed, Manta was dangling over the side, awash in seasickness. To the left of me, Ren was finishing his 2nd bottle of milk and going for his 3rd. "I drink three glasses of milk a day," he's been known to say. I smiled casually at the idea before turning to take part in the conversation Ryu and Yoh were having.

"Do you think my English is good enough? Ryu asked.

"Don't worry about it; your English is fine," Yoh replied, and then added his catchphrase, "Everything will work out."

Amidamaru and Tokagero, Yoh's and Ryu's spirit allies respectively, were discussing something trivial when Bason, Ren's ally, pointed out to them that we had arrived.

My knees were shaking and my heart was pounding as Kororo, my snowboard, and I departed the ship. I fished around in my coat for my passport, and then looked up. In the line ahead of me, Pirika was already checking in. Suddenly, a green-haired man with three swords at his belt charged to the front of the line, cutting in front of a redhead with an egg and knocking over Manta.

"You lying S.O.B.!" the green-haired man yelled at the smug executive taking names at the table. "You promised me that if I changed my name to 'Zolo' in this country I could still go by 'Zoro' in my home country!" He overturned the table and began yelling incoherently. He raised a stink for nearly ten minutes until two suits detained him. I was beginning to like this country less and less.

"HoroHoro!" I heard a female cry. I turned to the side.

"Pirika!" I exclaimed. What's going on?"

"My name isn't 'Pirika' anymore," she said. "Now it's 'Pilika'."

I thought about what Zoro/Zolo had said, and figured my new name would be "HoloHolo".

If only it were that simple.

End of part one


	2. part two

By animeninjaNIPPON

_Somehow Yoh had gotten chummy with the execs, and Anna had used her infamous "methods", so they got to keep their names. However, Ryu, Ren, and I weren't so lucky._

_Ryu's accent made him sound like he was Spanish, they said (personally, I think those suits just made him nervous), so they named him "Rio" (like the river). He didn't say anything after that._

_Ren, on the other hand, had quite a few things to say. "I don't mind you calling me 'Len'," he said, "but 'Lenny is too much. What's wrong with my real name?"_

_"You wanna be shipped back to Japan?" the suit said._

_"My sister got to keep her name!"_

_"Your sister is hot."_

_Ren was furious, but he counted to three and kept his temper. But it wasn't over._

_"And try to sound British," the suit continued, "or I'll dock half your pay."_

_That's when Ren lost it. He called upon Bason, placed his spirit into his weapon, and cried out, "Slash Dance!"_

_But it was no use. The execs somehow managed to subdue him by pointing their fingers at him. They immediately beat Ren to a bloody pulp, but Ren had the last word._

_"You'll pay for this, you filthy cockroaches!" he cried as they dragged him off to the jail._

_Then it came my turn to be renamed._

_"What's your name, freak?" the suit demanded._

_"HoroHoro," I replied, "and this is-"_

_"Your new name is Trey Racer," the suit said._

_Remembering what happened to Ren, I decided not to protest. "Trey Racer," I said, giving a fake smile. "I like that name even better!"_

_When the exec turned to leave, Ryu bopped me on the head with the flat of his wooden sword. "You traitor! How could you?" he demanded._

_"I lied," I groaned, rubbing my head. Just then, the suit turned back around. Had he heard me?_

_"Oh yeah," he added. "Just for that, your spirit's name is Corey." He strutted away, laughing._

_"Don't worry," I heard someone say. I turned around. It was Yoh, but he sounded... different._

_"I hit puberty today." He blushed apologetically._

_I just stared at him blankly. So much had changed in these last 16 hours, and I hated it so much._

_"Everything will work out," Yoh said._

_The exec turned around one more time. "If you ever say that again, I'll deport you all!"_

End of part two


	3. part three

By animeninjaNIPPON

_An hour later, after Tamao (now Tammy) and Manta (now Morty) were finished crying over their name changes, Jun was called upon to bail Ren out of jail. Anna was especially angry, because it would cost all of their first week's pay to fund his release._

_"Just leave him," Anna said. "We won't need him until we start filming the third episode, and by that time they'll release him for free."_

_"But who knows what tortures they're subjecting him to in there!" Manta cried. "And that green-haired guy didn't seem too friendly..."_

_"It'll make a man out of him," Anna continued. "Look what this trip did for Yoh."_

_I still wasn't used to Yoh's puberty. And with Ponchi and Conchi (Tamao's allies) around, well... that didn't seem too good. And since Tamao secretly loves Yoh... well... you can figure the rest out for yourself. I wasn't trying to have a dirty mind, but this country turned an honorable monster trainer named Takeshi into a pervert, and I feared the same would happen to one of us._

_"We're not paying for Ren, and that's final!" Anna concluded. "And it's your week to cook for everyone."_

_"Damn," Manta mumbled. No sooner had the word escaped him then an exec was on his case, yelling, "You can't use that word here!"_

_Then Manta was slapped with a 500 fine, to which he used a word that I won't repeat here. With that, he was hauled off to jail._

_"See what happens when you defy me?" Anna said, as if she had sent the suits to detain Manta (don't tell her I said that). "We have to be very careful around here. We need that money to sustain ourselves- we can't afford to be bailing you out all the time."_

_Ryu, who hadn't said two words since he received his degrading new nickname, immediately began cooking dinner._

_Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and Yoh handed me a scrap of paper with Japanese writing on it. Immediately, one of the suits took a spray can to it, erasing the text but I'd had just enough time to make out what it said:_

_"Everything will work out."_

End of part three


	4. part four

By animeninjaNIPPON

_"Everything will work out." _

That was Yoh's motto. I hoped he was right about this.

After our first week incarcerated in what the elder immigrants called "4Kids Entertainment Studios", we realized that Manta's sacrifice was in vain: they would provide our meals. The meals they gave us were terrible- deep fried potatoes that were greasy and hollow, overly-sweet candies, and some bizarre meat patty on wheat flour buns with some yellow stuff they tried to pass off as cheese.

"Hamburgers again?" Yoh complained. By this time, I was either used to his deeper voice or too jaded to care. "I hate these things with a passion. Especially the cheese ones."

"Trey," somebody said. "Trey Racer."

It took me a while to realize that the voice was referring to me. I still wasn't used to having the worst name change in the group. I looked up. The voice belonged to a tall, blue-haired guy with a huge red R on his shirt.

"You've been called to- I am not gonna say this stupid line!"

"Say it, James!" yelled the exec behind him. "This is part of your community service!"

"You've been called to spring your sidekicks from the slammer." The man they called "James" said those last six words with a pained expression.

"Very good, James," said the exec.

"I told you my name is Kojirou!"

The exec delivered a swift blow to Kojirou's head. "All right! All right! I'm James!"

As I walked toward the jail, I silently prayed that I wouldn't end up like Kojirou, casually massacring my last shred of dignity to save my sorry self. When I arrived, I immediately saw Ren. He was quiet, pale, and introverted. To his right was the green-haired man. His swords had been confiscated and he was solemnly playing a harmonica. Also in the jail was a talking cat, who kindly directed me to Manta, who was balled up in a pile of rags.

"Manta," I said. "Hey Manta. It's time."

"Manta? Who's Manta?" he asked in a state of delirium. "I am Mortimer...Morty...must...have...hundred...cheeseburgers..."

"The same thing happened to Satoshi," the talking cat commented sadly.

Ren and I picked up the disillusioned Manta and solemnly paced back to our quarters.

"What went on in there?" I asked.

"The entire cast of Tokyo Mew Mew committed ritual suicide," he replied, but that was all he would say.

End of part four


	5. part five

By animeninjaNIPPON

_We had been filming for almost two weeks now. Ryu, Ren, and Manta were now going by their American names full-time. If it weren't for Yoh's overwhelming friendliness that sometimes enabled us to get away with stuff other actors couldn't, I don't know what I would have done. _

I think it was the day that Faust VIII arrived that I finally decided to have my revenge- subliminally, of course, as not to get into trouble. Faust, as you well know, uses his late wife's skeleton as his oversoul. His wife and spirit ally, Eliza, has a bullet-hole in her skull. This angered the execs (why, I'll never know).

"You can't use that skull on TV, Mr. Faust," the exec said. "You'll have to get another one."

Now Faust was never one to keep his temper, and this time was no exception. "Get another one? GET ANOTHER ONE!"

"Here." The exec took Eliza's skull out of Faust's hands and in place gave him a cheap, unmarked Halloween skull. "You can borrow this for filming."

Faust took the fake skull and threw it as hard as he could against the exec's head. There was a loud crack, and then a thud as he fell to the floor, but surprisingly, no blood.

"You don't understand how important this is to me!" he fumed as he gingerly picked up Eliza's skull and tucked it safely away under his coat. "I swear, when I become the Shaman King, I will rip off your skin, dissect your mangled body, and..." Then he continued his rant in his native German. (I could make out the words dummkopf_ and _doppelganger _from his speech.) _

Strangely, Faust didn't get arrested. However, I was very angry at how insensitive 4Kids Entertainment had been in the 1 1/2 months I had been here. And I decided to do something that would piss them off without taking away from my group.

"Lights, camera, ACTION!" It was time to film the episode where I fight Yoh in the Shaman Tournament. They made us have this little argument, and I was supposed to tell Yoh to be a mascot, like a kangaroo. So I said my line, but with a twist:

"Like a kangaroo, or a... JACKASS!"

I knew the word "jackass" was considered taboo, and I also knew that the execs figured that I was purposely screwing up my lines in order to get out of saying them. Therefore, 4Kids would do the opposite and keep nay line in the show. The naughty word would reach audiences everywhere, and everyone would blame 4Kids Entertainment. I don't know whether or not it worked, but it made me feel better.

End of part five


	6. part six

By animeninjaNIPPON

_Seasons changed. Days went by. All the while I endured my stay in that hellish domain, somehow, but I longed for my home in Hokkaido. Every night I could hear Tamao crying softly in her sleep and Faust making plans to do away with the evil execs who dared to touch his "Dear Eliza." My only condolence was hearing from my pen pal, Naruto. He worked for a company called Viz, which gave his group more freedom than 4Kids gave mine. Secretly, I wished I could trade places with him, but then again no one deserves to be a slave to 4Kids. _

Pirika came in with the mail. There was a bill for Manta, some bills for Ryu, a letter of acceptance from the Jelly-of-the-Month club for Faust, and a Reader's Digest for Ren. I turned away sadly. No letters for me.

"HoroHoro," Pirika called. I turned back around. She held out an envelope with my name on it.

"Yay! A letter from Naruto!" I opened it up. Sure enough, he had written to me:

Dear HoroHoro,  
Hi! How are you? I am well. Two days ago 4Kids tried to buy out Sakura with candy and flowers, but she refused, saying that she would only accept gifts from Sasuke. I'll never know what she sees in that dolt...

Anyway, everyone here at Viz seems to be doing well. (Except for Zoro, that is- he received a name change and went berserk down at 4Kids a few months ago. He's been incarcerated there ever since.)

I also have some very good news for you- Viz is considering hiring you and your friends part-time! I hope they do. It would be cool to meet you in person.

Your friend,  
Naruto

_"I can't believe it!" I cried. "Viz might hire us part-time!" _

"You mean we can leave this place?" Ryu exclaimed.

"Don't get your hopes up," Anna interrupted. "It's not a sure thing."

Just then, two suits stormed into our living space.

"Pack your bags, people," one of them said. "You're going to work for Viz."

End of part six


	7. part seven

By animeninjaNIPPON

_we arrived at Viz at about 7:30 the next morning. I yawned. I had awakened very early, and I was still tired. I think everyone was tired._

It was so early that Ren was just opening his first bottle of milk. "Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, they say," he remarked.

"You said KILL!" Manta screamed hysterically. He still hadn't fully recovered from his experience in the jail. Anna promptly hushed him as an exec greeted us at the door.

"Welcome," he said. He looked down at Manta. "You must be Manta."

"My name is MORTIMER!" he yelled, his face turning red.

"He's been this way since he was detained over six months ago," Yoh explained. "Can you help him?"

"Come inside," the exec said. "He'll fare better in here."

We went inside. The main room was huge, and it was elaborately decorated with pictures that read "Dragon Ball Z," "Shonen Jump," "InuYasha," and "Yu-Gi-Oh!" They were clearly obsessed with self-promotion, but it was certainly better that that of 4Kids.

A pretty female exec led us to a dining room. "Enjoy your meal," she said. "When you're finished, Yugi and his friends will show you around." She pointed to a boy with extravagantly spiked hair and his group. They waved, and we waved back.

We sat down to breakfast. I looked down at my plate, and the others followed in my example. Simultaneously, we all fell backwards in our chairs.

"Food!" Yoh exclaimed, tears of joy streaming down his face. "Real Japanese food!" 

We immediately devoured every last delicious bite of food. Not long after, Manta and Ryu were cured.

"I'm so glad we don't have to eat those cheeseburgers anymore," Ryu said. It was the first time in a long time that I heard him say a complete, unscripted sentence. "How are you feeling, Manta?"

"I've never felt more alive!" he exclaimed.

"That's what I like about this place," the spikey-haired boy said. "My name is Yugi Mutou. I work part-time for 4Kids as well."

"I'm Yoh Asakura," Yoh introduced. "It's a pleasure to meet you." We all introduced ourselves and discussed the tribulations that 4Kids had thrust upon us. It turned out that Ren and a strange-looking kid named Insector Haga had both been forced to use phony voices when acting. Haga explained that he had been forced to take up chain-smoking in order to produce the voice that the 4Kids execs wanted... then my mind trailed off. I could finally relax. I yawned again, still tired from my early rising.

It seemed like Yoh's motto had proven correct. But our ordeal was far from over.

End of part seven


	8. part eight

By animeninjaNIPPON

_"Freedom! Sweet, sweet freedom!" Ponchi cried. "I can do whatever I want!" And with that, he discarded his loincloth, exposing his oversized... I'd rather not say._

_"What're you doing?" Anna demanded. "This isn't the place for misbehavior!"_

_I was finally enjoying my life in America, and I wasn't about to let this pervert ruin it for me. I was about to tell him to put some clothes on, but then an exec appeared. I froze._

_"This isn't good," the suit said. He took out his walkie-talkie and spoke into it. "Taylor, we need to make an appointment." He paused for a response. "I'm on my way." And with that, he left._

_"What's going on?" I asked Yugi._

_"I'll tell him," Jonouchi answered. Jonouchi was this tall blonde guy wearing a green jacket. He seemed to know everything that went wrong. "Your tanuki friend's giant nads are bad for business around here. Viz is going to neuter him."_

_"WHAT!" Ponchi cried._

_"It sucks to be you," Conchi remarked._

_"They can't do that to a guy!" I exclaimed. I didn't particularly like Ponchi any better than the rest of the group, but I didn't want him to suffer such a cruel and unusual fate. "Can't they just put another loincloth on him or something?"_

_"Maybe it's better this way," Anzu (another of Yugi's friends) suggested._

_"She has a point," Anna said._

_"But no man deserves that!" Yoh whined._

_The conversation continued on like that for another 15 minutes, then the execs came to take Ponchi away. Two more suits led us to our living space._

_"That was very weird," I said. Then a short bald man in an orange suit came in to talk to Yoh._

_"They gave 'editing surgery' to Mr. Popo, too," I heard the bald man say. I couldn't hear anything after that, because they continued their conversation in the next room._

_I started thinking: maybe Naruto was wrong about this place. Or maybe it only worked out well for him. Or maybe he was lying, or paid to exalt the name of Viz..._

_Well, Viz let my group keep their real names. I was HoroHoro again, not Trey Racer or whatever stupid name 4Kids gave me. And that alone had to be worth something great._

End of part eight


	9. part nine

By animeninjaNIPPON

_The next day, we went straight to work. Ponchi was still recuperating from his operation, so he stayed in the "editing room". No one dared to make any references to him or his predicament, but I was sure everyone was thinking about it._

_Life at Viz sucked for Ponchi and a guy named Mr. Satan (whom everyone called "Hercule"), but I was enjoying it. Everyone else seemed happy at Viz, too (especially Yugi and his friends). At Viz, the execs didn't call me names or make me wear itchy blue underwear. I was allowed to eat what I wanted, when I wanted. Sure Ponchi's surgery was a little extreme, but 4kids would have done far worse..._

_I didn't have time to continue my thought, for I was brusquely interrupted by the ringing of a telephone. Anna picked up the receiver in the manner of an inn hostess. I wasn't really interested in the conversation she was having, so I left the room and went to find the guys._

_Later that day, Anna informed us that Upper Deck was interested in using our likenesses on trading cards._

_"We have a meeting with them scheduled for tomorrow," she said._

_"Do I get to be in the trading card game?" Manta asked._

_"How should I know?" Anna answered. "I wasn't given specific details."_

_"I heard that everyone at Viz has their own TCG," Yoh said._

_"Not Naruto," I replied. "And not that man who turns into a woman... or woman who turns into a man... I dunno." It suddenly struck me that only a select few of our groups had TCGs. I wondered why._

_I didn't have much trouble sleeping, since I wasn't sure whether or not I should be worried about that meeting with Upper Deck. Soon I would realize that I did have a reason to be afraid._

_We arrived at Upper Deck around 11:30 am. A few suits were walking around, asking for our identification. A big, burly exec came up to me. "Name?" he asked._

_"HoroHoro," I replied._

_"HoroHoro," he mused. "HoroHoro... Oh! I see! You must be Trey Racer!"_

_The words "Trey Racer" echoed in my mind like a nightmare from the past. I suddenly realized that Upper Deck was going to publicize our images with our American names._

_I fell to my knees, arms outstretched to the Great Spirit, eyes closed tightly, head bent earthbound, and yelled, "NOOOOOO!"_

End of part nine


	10. part ten

by animeninjaNIPPON

_I was devastated. It was bad enough that I had to resume that horrid pseudonym, but now everyone in America would know me by that name. Ryu, Ren, and I tried to reason with the suits, to no avail._

_"Please!" Ryu cried. "Please let us keep our names!"_

_Ren was too proud to beg, but he found another way to get the point across._

_"Now see here," he yelled, "I'll only answer to Tao Ren, or possibly Tao Len. None of this 'Lenny' crap." He pointed his weapon at the exec in warning, and in turn was forcibly calmed by two heavily-muscled suits. He managed to struggle out of their grasp, but kept silent after that._

_I glanced over at Faust, who was unusually quiet considering the scenario. Then again, he didn't have to suffer a name change. Yoh stood to his right, as calm as ever. Next to him were Ponchi and Conchi, and I could hear Ponchi muttering about how he'd better be on a card if he was to endure the neutering._

_"It'd better be a really powerful card, too," he continued. Suddenly, an ominous shadow loomed over him. I glanced up and nearly panicked, for there stood Hao Asakura._

_"Zeke," said one exec casually. "Glad you could make it." Hao just stood there as his spirit ally, the Spirit of Fire, loomed over everyone._

_"Zeke, are you ready?" another exec asked. "We're going alphabetically, and it's your turn for the photo shoot." Hao still wouldn't respond._

_Hao turned around and glared at them. If looks could kill, those suits would have died twice. "You know how to address me," he replied menacingly._

_Before either suit could utter so much as the predictable "Master Zeke," Hao rose to attack. Not wishing to witness such a horrible manslaughter, yet not wanting to risk my life in what was most likely a vain attempt to stop the inevitable, I turned away and dove for cover. I could feel heat against my back, and I knew I'd be hearing screams soon. But after 15 minutes, the flames died down, and the execs stood tall (although badly singed). _

_"Yes, Master Hao!" they sang in unity, then scrambled away._

_"And that takes care of business," Hao said, then turned away with SoF._

_"What was that?" Ryu asked._

_"What happened?" Tokagero asked._

_"Why aren't they dead?" Ren inquired._

_The conversation went on like that all day. Most of us had come to the conclusion that Hao had a private meeting with the two suits. But no one knew exactly what was said._

End of part ten


	11. part eleven

By animeninjaNIPPON

_I was still baffled by the alleged secret meeting held by Hao and the Upper Deck executives, even though the "conference" had been held well over a week ago. I talked to Pirika about it, but she had no idea what was going on, either. We went back to Viz headquarters without the mystery being solved. _

On the way to my room, I passed a dark-haired guy (I can't recall his name, but I do believe it had a number in it) yelling "You took my gun!" and a good deal of obscenities at one of the execs. I figured it had something to do with a recent censorship and darted into my little area to avoid being caught in the crossfire.

Suddenly, Kororo popped up in front of me, indicating that something was wrong. "What's the problem?" I asked, continuing to step forward. I followed her into an unlit area, accidentally tripping over Manta. He screamed.

"Oh no!" I cried. "Are you all right?"

"FAUST IS AN IMPOSTER!" he yelled, then ran out of the room faster than Yoh during one of Anna's infamous training sessions.

Before I could respond to what he said, Faust emerged from the shadows, attached to an IV.

"Hello," he said in a small, mellow voice. Kororo disappeared behind me.

I felt a chill run down my spine. I could tell that this was not the real Faust VIII.

"What have you done with Faust?" I demanded.

"What do you mean?" the phony replied. "I am he."

"You liar!" I was ready to oversoul Kororo, but then I saw someone in unmistakably unique pants step out of the shadows next to the fake Faust.

"Hao," I muttered.

"Faust VIII is dead," Hao replied. "4Kids owns his soul now."

"What do you know of 4Kids?"

"4Kids works for me now." He smiled smugly. "Do you know why they call me 'Zeke'?"

"No..." I began to back away.

"'ZEKE' is an acronym," he replied. "Do you know what that is?"

"No," I answered. He proceeded to explain that an acronym is a series of letters that spell out a word but also abbreviate a name or saying. "And do you know what 'ZEKE' means?" he asked. Before I could answer, he gave me the definition:

"Zonula extremum, karpe equilibrio."_He smiled smugly again. "That's Latin. Roughly translated, it means I'll take over, one space at a time."_

End of part eleven

* * *

_Side Note:_

"Zonula extremum, carpe equilibrio" means something to the extent of "to the extremities (boundaries) of a small zone, enjoy (or improve) equal balance." I changed the C to a K because Latin doesn't have any K's (I don't think), and it went with the acronym.


	12. part twelve

By animeninjaNIPPON

_Suddenly it all became clear: Hao _did _hold a secret conference back at Upper Deck. He was giving orders to the execs. He probably planned to word his way into 4Kids headquarters and destroy them from the inside out. I must admit, I wasn't terribly devastated at the thought of seeing them go, but knew that anyone or anything that could take out an empire like 4Kids Entertainment was a threat to be feared._

_I knew that there would be Hell to pay if I ran, so I tried to prolong the conversation. "Why?" I asked. "Why do you work for them?"_

_Hao began to get upset. "I don't work for them," he responded dryly. "They work for ME."_

_I turned to the imposter Faust. "Where is Faust VIII?"_

_Hao answered for him. "I already told you, he was killed by the 4Kids executives. He got violent with them about two months ago, and they 'replaced' him with this doppelganger." He motioned to the fake. "Don't think he was the only one to die," Hao continued. "Some of the X-Laws were killed, too. And some guy named Sanji..." He began counting off "deaths" on his fingers. "They were just too aggressive to adapt to the New World Order." Suddenly Hao's face was overcome with angst, but it lasted for barely a moment before he became lost in thought. I stepped back even further._

_"You should go now, ice shaman," he said, turning to me with a malicious grin. "The others could be dying as we speak." With that, the Spirit of Fire emerged from the shadows, and it swiftly carried Hao off into the moonlight. With their departure, the Faust double cracked and disintegrated._

_I sat in that dark room with Kororo and the pile of Faust dust for five minutes, trying to make sense of it all. Then, remembering what Hao said, I sprang to my feet and dashed out of the room._

_The next thing I remember was emerging from my sleeping bag with my hand dipped in a cup of warm water. As I frantically checked myself to make sure everything was dry, I realized that it might have been a long, bad dream. But deep down inside, I knew that it wasn't._

End of part twelve


	13. part thirteen

By animeninjaNIPPON

_the next day was just a regular day- I had some work to do for Viz in the morning, some filming with 4Kids after lunch, and back to Viz for a company meeting around 6pm. I managed to get my Viz work done early, so I went to the cafeteria to reserve the best table for my group. About 15 minutes later, Ren and Bason showed up. Upon their arrival, Pirika dropped a pile of letters on the table, then made some comment about having extra work and missing lunch. I couldn't really understand her hurried words, but she was gone before I could ask for a repeat._

Ren picked up a letter that bore his name. He studied it suspiciously, then held it over his face and read it silently. In the background, I could see Bason making all sorts of mortified gestures and expressions.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's nothing that concerns you," Ren snapped, refolding the letter and putting it back in the envelope. I could see that his cheeks were flushed scarlet.

"It's a love letter, isn't it?" I just had to see that letter. My imagination ran wild- it must have been note from a secret admirer! I was slightly jealous.

"No, it isn't!" he yelled. Just then, my curiosity got the better of me- I sprang for the letter.

"Lemme see it!" I exclaimed.

"NO!" Ren cried, hanging onto the envelope for dear life. We struggled over it for five minutes, but eventually Ryu came along and snatched it out of both our grasps.

"Dear Viz," he read aloud, " I am very angry at you for censoring Ren's booty in the latest Shonen Jump. He has the sexiest bottom in the world..." Realizing what he had just read, his pompadour stood on end like an antenna. A roar of laughter poured over us, led by the hysteria of Insector Haga and Dinosaur Ryuzaki. Ren was pissed.

"It's not my letter!" he yelled, ripping it out of Ryu's dumbfounded hands. "It's to Viz from some fangirl! I don't know how it got mixed up in my mail!"

I quickly scanned through the remaining letters. "Dear Viz, you suck for editing Ponchi's balls..." "Dear Viz, I'll be a rat's patoot if Conchi squirted Manta with a fire hose..." "Dear Viz, rot in..." I soon realized that something was dreadfully wrong.

"Where's Pirika?" I yelled over the persistent cafeteria din. A dog-like demon in a red suit pointed to the furthest exit. I thanked him and pushed my way across the room, calling for my sister.

"Pirika! Wait!" I had to get to her and explain the mix-up before all Hell broke loose with the Viz executives.

End of part thirteen


	14. part fourteen

By animeninjaNIPPON

"_Pirika! Come back!" I ran down the corridor, calling for my sister. She had given our group the wrong mail by mistake, and it had caused quite a commotion. I had to inform her, but I couldn't find her._

_The incessant laughter behind me finally faded into oblivion, whether from distance or loss of interest I could not tell. I glanced around the hall. All of the doors were closed, and I was sure that she wasn't behind any of them – they were mostly janitor's closets and restrooms. I came to the end of the corridor and turned at an angle. There before me lay a new, longer corridor. I sighed._

_Suddenly, Kororo came to my attention. I looked down the new corridor and followed her to a door marked "Mail Room." It was slightly open._

_As I debated whether to peek inside, I could hear footsteps shuffling behind me. My heart began pounding, and my sweaty palms prevented me from properly gripping the doorknob. I opened the door a little wider, making it go _creeeek_… _

_Adrenaline flowed through my veins like new blood, and I was ready to fight if faced with a challenge. I threw the door open. I gasped._

"_Pirika?"_

"_HoroHoro…" she was shocked. "I – I – "_

"_Are you stealing mail?"_

"_It's hate-mail that Viz throws out." She pulled some of the nicked letters out of her bag. "Ponchi and Conchi broke into here and Tamao gave me the letters they took. I was supposed to put them back, but I read them and thought you guys should know what the outside world is saying about Viz… and what they're secretly doing to us." She handed the letters to me._

_I gave the letters back to her. "Do you realize the trouble you could get into for doing this?" I stepped into the mail room, closer to her. "Look, last night I found something out. Something terrible." _

_Pirika looked at me with wide, sad eyes. "What is it?"_

_I cleared my throat. "Hao has seized control of 4Kids. And I have a feeling he's starting to influence Viz also." _

"_What do you – "Pirika's inquiry was cut short by a loud crashing sound in the room parallel to the mail room. We dove into a nearby mail cart._

_My heart was racing faster than ever now. The adrenaline pumped through me so hard that I wanted to jump out of the mail cart yelling, "Come arrest me!"_

_Over the beating of my terrified heart, I could have sworn I heard muffled voices. I was sure the execs were on to us, and searching for us in the very room we were in. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I just had to bring my head to the surface. I burst out of the cart with Kororo, and Pirika came out two seconds later._

_Somebody's foot came crashing through the back wall. Pirika and I screamed a deadening scream. A tall blond man in a black suit and blue pinstriped shirt emerged from the wreckage, bruised and bloody. He lit up a cigarette. Behind him walked an equally battered Faust VIII, his spirit ally (and wife) Eliza, three X-Laws, and Chocolove, whom I had not seen since I arrived in America. _

"_Hao dies today," one of the X-Laws swore._

End of part fourteen


	15. part fifteen

By animeninjaNIPPON

_"OK, this is weird." Pirika managed to sum it all up in one sentence._

_I glanced at Faust. He smiled and waved. I moved closer to him. He shifted uncomfortably and stared at me as though I had spinach in my teeth. "Is something wrong?" he asked, still staring at me._

_"Hao told me you'd been killed," I replied._

_"I haven't seen Hao since before I left Japan," Faust mused. "What would I know about whether he's alive or dead?"_

_It suddenly occurred to me that Hao might have been screwing with my mind. But the look in his eyes was so serious…_

_"Where is this 'Hao' guy?" the man with the cigarette asked, blowing smoke._

_"I don't know," I answered. "I saw him last night, then he disappeared. He could be halfway around the world by now."_

_"Don't count on it," Chocolove said. "He's probably right here, in the Viz building…"_

_"I can tell you where Hao is," came an unknown voice behind me. Everybody turned around. Much to my surprise, it was Lyserg, standing next to Marco._

_"Lyserg?" I exclaimed. "How'd you get here?"_

_"We've been at 4Kids this whole time," Marco explained. "We weren't needed at Viz until yesterday. Then we were put in jail."_

_"Can you tell us where Hao is?" I asked._

_"He's at 4Kids HQ right now," Lyserg answered, "but he'll be back tomorrow morning, I think."_

_"Until then," the man with the cigarette said, "I'm gonna go deal with that crap-Viz company."_

_"Not so fast, Sanji," Chocolove said. "They don't' know that we've broken loose."_

_"We should probably lay low for a while," Faust added._

_"Well, where are we gonna hide?" Lyserg asked._

_"It doesn't matter," Pirika said, "just get out of here, quick!" The end of her sentence was perfectly timed to the beginning of footsteps walking down the hall…_

_"The Viz execs!" one of the X-Laws exclaimed._

_"We don't have time!" another one panicked._

_The sound of footsteps grew louder. They couldn't go back in the cell without being noticed through that huge hole in the wall, and there was no room to run._

_"Quick! Close the door and they might not notice us!" I whispered, and Pirika closed the mail-room door. The footsteps died out. I sighed with relief. Unfortunately, someone began to turn the doorknob from the outside._

_Marco threw himself against the door to barricade it, followed by Sanji and Faust. "Get out of here, guys!" the latter ordered._

_"No," I replied, "I'll stay and fight."_

_"Then I'll stay too," Pirika announced._

_"No, it's too dangerous!" I disagreed._

_"HoroHoro," Marco said to me, "take the others and run!"_

_The three blonds were struggling to keep the door closed, and there was no time to argue. "All right," I reluctantly agreed._

_It was fight or flight time. The three at the door would fight; the rest would flee. I led the others through the hole in the wall, only to find the other side blocked by iron bars. There was only one thing to do._

_"Kororo, spirit ball mode, into the snowboard!" I cried. Now I had my oversoul, so I could break the bars. "Kaukau Priwenpe!"_

End of part 15

* * *

SIDE NOTE: "Kaukau Priwenpe" is Ainu for "Renegade Hail." 


	16. part sixteen

By animeninjaNIPPON

_Chunks of ice scattered everywhere, cutting through solid iron bars. "Lets go!" I called out to the others._

_We scrambled to the door across the room. As Lyserg unlocked it, we could here a loud crash in the room, followed by some attacks. I worried about Faust and the others, but I had to get the group of refugees to safety. When we made it into the hall, we met up with a lone executive, whom Lyserg knocked out with his dowsing pendulum (oversouled with his spirit ally, Morphine)._

"_Now what?" Pirika asked._

"_I'll take it from here," offered Chocolove, now fused with his spirit ally, Mic. "You and your sister gotta find Hao."_

"_OK," I said. "Pirika, let's go!"_

_Pirika and I took off running as Chocolove and Lyserg agreed to split up the refugees and hide in the restrooms. We managed to find our way back to the cafeteria, but by the time we got there it was empty. As we headed back to join the others in our room, Yoh met up with us._

"_Where have you been?" he asked, looking confused._

"_It's a long story," I replied._

"_We should discuss this later, Lord Yoh," Amidamaru suggested. "It's time to go to the 4Kids HQ."_

_So we went to gather the other group members and go to4Kids. I was afraid that by this time, the suits had gotten word of what Pirika and I did, but fortunately none of them said anything to me. When we arrived at 4Kids, I caught a glimpse of a clone masquerading as the one they called Sanji. He looked the part physically, but his voice was way off base – and I could have sworn he was eating a lollipop. I didn't have time to study him, though, as I was quickly led away to the filming room._

"_I don't want any trouble from you," one of the execs sneered at me as I entered the room. At first I thought he meant the fiasco back at Viz, but then I realized he was referring to that certain taboo word I ad-libbed a few episodes back. I nodded silently to him in agreement as I took my place on the set._

"_All right," called the director, "lights, camera – " _

"Hold it." Hao stepped into the room, followed by SoF.

"_M-Master Zeke!" the cameraman stuttered._

_Hao glared over at me, then glared back at the cameraman. "I've warned you not to call me that."_

"_Master Hao," the cameraman corrected himself. " What brings you here so early?"_

"_I have business with Trey Racer and his sister, Pilika." I winced upon hearing my pathetic pseudonym. Hao turned to me, motioning for me to come forward, then gestured to Pirika. I figured he knew what happened, so naturally, I became tense. Pirika and I followed Hao out of the filming room, down the hall, and into another room marked by a large, blank sign._

"_I know what you did," Hao said, closing the door behind us, "and I'm not pleased."_

"_You lied to me," I dared to fire back. "You told me Faust VIII was dead."_

"_He is," Hao replied._

"_I saw him though. And Marco, and Sanji, and Chocolove, and others. They aren't dead; they were incarcerated."_

_Hao's eyes widened. "You must have been fooled by the clones. I saw them die. I know they were killed."_

_Suddenly, it struck me. "How do you know it wasn't the _clones_ who were killed?"_

End of part sixteen


	17. part seventeen

By animeninjaNIPPON

_"How do I know?" Hao reiterated. "It's not possible! I was there, but – " he stopped short, glancing around. I'd never seen him spaz out like that before, and for a moment I thought all that time at 4Kids had finally cracked him. _

_"You didn't know?" Pirika asked. "I thought you were in charge of 4Kids. That's what my brother told me, anyway."_

_"I really don't see what this has to do with why you two were stealing mail from Viz." Hao folded his arms across his chest. "I know this because 4Kids has a huge influence on Viz, courtesy of me."_

_"You're taking over Viz – " I began, then realized that I wasn't really getting to the point. "Wait, so this is about the mail, not the – " I was cut off by Pirika's elbow jabbed into my side._

_"I can explain the mail," Pirika said, giving me a look that said, "Don't expose the refugees!" _

_"So this was your doing?" Hao turned to Pirika. She nodded slowly. "Fine. HoroHoro, you can go."_

_"But – " I protested, not wanting to leave my sister with the alleged leader of 4Kids Entertainment._

_"She stays with me."_

_"If you hurt her – " _

_"Leave now, before I change my mind!"_

_"Don't worry, I'll be fine," Pirika assured me. I left the room as Pirika and Hao turned away._

_I had trouble concentrating on my lines, so the director told me to improvise – the more ridiculous the ad-libbing, the more I'd be paid. "But no obscenities," he added._

_So I rambled on about Hao (referring to him as "Zeke" for the director) because I was furious at him. I said things about wanting to do an ollie off his face with my snowboard and some other bizarre things I'd later regret saying. The others in my group were shocked by what I said, but the director loved it and doubled my salary for the day._

_"What was that all about?" Yoh asked as we left._

_"It's what I was trying to say earlier," I explained. "Hao's taken control of 4Kids. He claims they've killed some of us off, but those people are actually imprisoned in back room at Viz." I paused. "Well, they were. Pirika and I helped them escape."_

_"What?" Yoh exclaimed. "That's crazy!"_

_"But it's true!" _

_"I believe you." He smiled serenely. "Don't worry. We'll figure out how to get out of this mess. If I can wear that itchy 4Kids underwear, then I can stop Hao's reign of madness."_

_I let out a little laugh. "You're right." _

_Suddenly Manta popped in. "What! How can you be so CALM about this?"_

_"Because," Yoh replied, "I have a plan."_

End of part seventeen


	18. part eighteen

By animeninjaNIPPON

_As soon as we arrived at Viz, Hao was there waiting for us. He glared at me angrily._

"_So, you think you can do an ollie off my face," he mused._

_I refused to be pulled into that conversation. "Where is my sister?"_

"_She's in her room," Hao replied, " and she's unarmed." I didn't stay to argue – I ran as fast as I could to our sleeping quarters. When I got there, I saw Pirika folding laundry._

"_Pirika," I cried, "is it really you?"_

_"I'm fine," she responded. "Hao and I just had a little talk. He's going to get to the bottom of this by talking to the Viz execs at tonight's meeting."_

_I looked at her. She didn't seem to be a clone, but then again, maybe she was…_

"_Don't worry, it's under control," she reassured me. I had no choice but to believe her._

"_Well, I'm going to talk to Yoh," I said, turning to leave, but she grabbed me and pulled me back._

"_First, help me fold laundry."_

_I groaned, but I picked up a shirt anyway and started to fold it. Suddenly, I heard a loud crash._

"_What was that?" I dropped the shirt._

"_I don't know…"  
_

"_I have to go." I grabbed my snowboard and ran out of the room. As I headed toward the source of the crash, I heard Yoh yelling something at one of the Viz executives. When I found him, I saw Hao lying on the ground._

_Before I had a chance to ask what was going on, the exec turned to me. "You shamans have caused us nothing but trouble since you came to America," he said._

"_How dare you…" Hao propped himself up on one knee. "I own you!"_

_Suddenly, I realized that the suit was from 4Kids, not Viz. He spoke matter-of-factly: "It is crucial to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. We were using you the whole time."_

_Hao's eyes widened. "What?"_

"_That's right. What made you think you could control 4Kids Entertainment when we control your group?"_

"_You…son…of…a…" Hao collapsed._

"_Hao, get up!" Yoh yelled. "We need you!"_

"_That's right," Ryu chipped in, "we can fight 4Kids if we stick together!"_

"_Fools," the suit said, "not even your entire crew could take on us."_

"_How about your entire franchise?" asked a voice behind me._

End of part eighteen


	19. part nineteen

By animeninjaNIPPON

_I turned around to see who was speaking. It was Sanji, backed by his group; plus Yugi's group, plus an army of collectible monsters, plus the entire cast of Tokyo Mew Mew._

"_I thought they were dead," Ren said, astonished at the sight of the Mew Mews. _

"_We brought 'em back with the dragon balls," a boy in a straw hat called out._

"_But they don't even work for Viz!" Manta cried. "How did they get here?"_

"_We're all slaves to 4Kids Entertainment," said the blue-haired man I remembered as Kojirou. "And we're here to start a revolution!"_

_It finally dawned on me that every single actor from 4Kids had marched over here to Viz, poised to strike. It didn't take long for the remaining members of my group – including Hao – to join them. Naturally, I took my place in the army, too._

"_I told you I had a plan," Yoh whispered to me._

_A wave of Viz and 4Kids execs poured into the room and pointed their fingers at us as if they were wielding invisible guns. Some of the shorter suits were armed with neon-colored popguns. We, on the other hand, bore a variety of weapons – from oversouls to Pocket Monsters to super powers to swords, and ultimately, real guns._

_The execs seemed to realize that we were no matches for them, but they continued to hold their ground. "Look," one of them said, brandishing a giant salami, "we can settle this like adults. What say we transfer you over to FUNimation for a raise in – " He was cut off by the salami being shot out of his hand._

"_No deal," Zoro said. "Goku works there – he says it's not all it's cracked up to be."_

"_Yeah," Jonouchi added. "I've been told it's almost as bad as 4Kids."_

"_Wait a minute," someone called from across the room. "I work for FUNi. It's gotten better over the years."_

"_He's right," someone called from within our anti-4Kids army. "I know a girl named Tohru. She said it's OK."_

_We debated amongst ourselves for 15 minutes, all the while keeping an eye on the army of executives. Finally, we turned to the suits. "What are the terms?" someone asked._

_The exec that spoke to us earlier (now sans salami) stepped up. "You'll be given scripts exactly like the ones you used in Japan. There won't be any censorship, so you'll be free to act as you originally did. Living conditions will be upgraded as well."_

_Our army turned inward again to discuss this new proposal. Some were skeptical; others were ecstatic._

"_It's a trick," said Hao._

"_I'm all for it," Manta said._

"_Do we still have to use our fake accents?" Ren asked._

"_What about our names?" I asked._

"_I don't know," Yoh answered, "but there's a 50 percent chance that we'll like it."_

"_Count me in," Lyserg said. Eventually, we all agreed to it._

_Yoh stepped up to the salami exec. "Our group accepts."_

End of part nineteen


	20. part twenty

By animeninjaNIPPON

_Not long after Yoh accepted, Yugi stepped up. "We accept also." His group nodded in unity._

"_We accept, too!" the straw-hat boy announced. A few others agreed to it, but most of them refused, demanding better terms. Personally, I felt a sense of victory._

_One of the suits took Yoh, Yugi, and the straw-hat boy (who introduced himself as Monkey D. Luffy) aside, and the rest of us returned to our respective rooms. I felt excited, but at the same time worried – everything else that was promised to me turned out disappointing in some way. Then again, each experience had gotten progressively better. _

_I tried not to think too much about it. Apparently, no one else wanted to think about it in great detail either – we all trusted Yoh to do the right thing. As he always said, "Everything will work out."_

_Ren sat on the floor, serenely sipping a bottle of milk. (I was beginning to wonder if he really limited himself to three a day – it seemed more like 33 to me.) Faust – the real Faust VIII – sat in a distant chair with Eliza standing beside him. He appeared to be hooked up to that IV again… Everyone else was either packing or cleaning, which reminded me that I still had laundry to fold. I went to find Pirika, who was folding more laundry._

"_Isn't this great?" she said cheerfully. "I mean, I'm not too fond of moving around all the time, but I can't wait to see this FUNimation place._

"_Me neither," I agreed, picking up a pair of really cool-looking pants that were immediately snatched out of my hand._

"_I'll take those," Hao mumbled._

_That evening, Yoh gave us all the details of what we were to do. Some of us had to keep our English names (those individuals were to be revealed later), but we would also be performing in Japanese, using our real names. He didn't know everything that was going on, but he was optimistic about our future._

_The next day, FUNimation executives came to interview us. A pretty young female exec with a clipboard led me into a room with two chairs. She sat down in one and I in the other._

"_So, HoroHoro," she said, looking up from her clipboard, "tell me all about your past experiences in America."_

"_They're not all good," I admitted._

"_That's OK." She smiled sweetly. "We at FUNimation want to know what we can do to make our employees feel at home. Tell me everything."_

_So I did – I told her every single detail I could remember. And that is what you have just read._

End of part twenty

End of story

* * *

Well, that's the end! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Don't worry – if FUNimation ever puts out the other SK DVDs, I'll write a sequel, complete with Hao vs. HoroHoro fire-and-ice battle! I'd like to extend special thanks to the members of the Shaman King Uncensored (SKU) Message Boards for their advice, ideas, and support on writing this fic. Thank you one and all. 

animeninjaNIPPON


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